Does God exist?

On a side note. I finally met up wif jas for a meal ever since her bdae. Had a good chat with her, and of cos, both of us were prepared to get straight into that conversation that's kept silent for 2 years. So with some dessert and a pint of beer for me. We were good to go!

After hearing everything, i feel it was a closure of that chapter. It has been over my mind over and over again ever since that day. At least now, i felt i finally let go of that issue.

Many times in my life, i told myself i got to let go and let God. And honestly, i felt that i did so. But then why am i reminded of it so many times. It's like deep down, perhaps there was a part of me that i kept holding on.

Indeed, maybe it's time i got to let go, not only the sad issues, but the happy ones together too. Looking back, will be like Lot's wife, on that comfort zone that im have given up resisting in. Maybe, that was what hold me back time and time, to hold back about relationships. To get out on that pity zone that i have for myself, and build myself a shelter to enter in. To deal issues with God.

Im not sure whether after that day did the other 2 of us move on. But, i guess it was all meant to be. God must have known about it, and it was an opportunity to test our characters, and our faith.

yes, we were upset, but we didn't have time to mourn. Others maybe, but not us. We had to keep it together for the younger ones. We had to be strong for them. Im glad u 2 hold it together all the way.

That incident made the best and the worse out of me. It made me understood who i should rely on, and my dependence should be on God, not her. It cause us to rise up to the occasion, and mould the character in us. It bonded the cg, to make sure everybody will be alright, that their priorities be set right. We saw the vision together, to stick close to one another. like coals keeping each other on fire. Once we reach optimum temperature, we were then made to scatter. To start burning up other coals. The greatest blessing, is to serve and not be served.

It made the worse out of me too. I started doing things i never once imagine to be doing during that period. In the process, i closed up to new friendships. Simply said, i lost the ability to connect to others on a deeper level. Even till now, im constantly trying to regain all that i lost, only to realise it's tougher den when i started.

After that i made a prayer to God like the many times before. I lift them all up, and let you take hold of the reins.

You know, when you are desperate for something in God, He will just give it to you?

It worked for me too, on a good Sun morning. =) other than waking up at 820 and tithe to the taxi company once again. Anyway i had a gd bible study today and it was about where your foundation should be build on! Indeed, it should be on a solid rock called Jesus, and not on your friends, your leaders, or even your pastors. People can let you down, even in times we are unfaithful. He is always faithful. that, u can test.

After that was service. Pastor Tan shared an insightful phrase today.

"Those who are last will be first in the Kingdom of God. Those who are first will be last."

And it all depends on your,

1. Faith

2. Spirit of Repentence

3. Bearing of Fruit

I think for me, i started out being last, building relationships just because i didn't had any then, and i slowly move my way up. Some how i lost my way some where, and the younger ones rose up to take the place, and i became last again. But i will catch up. Be ready for it then alrite!

And the best was the announcement of the Men's ministry! Yea i do feel there's certain struggles that can only be shared among brothers, like army and all. It's a few good steps in a day!

See, God doesn't shortchange you. When He gives, He makes sure you get it!!!

Lastly, i feel that's a need to address one last issue. Perhaps my words have somehow created an misunderstanding between us. Perhaps it was the words of others that got both of us on the guard. I didn't meant to distant myself, i just want to focus on God and let no temptation take hold of me. I do cherish the relationship that we have, and i missed that feeling of having you around as a friend. Drop me a sms if u think it's you alrite? maybe im just thinking too much. =)