just caught transformers lately. IT'S GOOD WAT. didn't understand why Straits Times gave such a bad review. This time round i actually could see the action instead of scrap metals jumbling around. haha!

Today i tink im ready. Sow me a dream, and i will birth forth your vision. =)

i will make it right for you one day, but not today.

im fine now. it's just recurring issues in different forms.

One day. i will conquer you.

for now. swim till i drop.

im sorry i imposed my value on love on you all.
im sorry i haven been attentive enough on you all.
I thought i covered all ground, but i have covered none.
PLS. dun love me so much that you all chose to keep quiet.
cause it hurts so much more to find it out from others.

took time to realise. that i haven been doing enough. haven thought of people enough.
i thought i did.
apparently it's not.

Happy PAPA day

heh. it's father's day. never thought i will be celebrating it. really. As some of you might know, i dun really share a great relationship wif my dad in the past. I was so young then, i couldn't understand why he's doing the things he did to me. Now to tink about it, tt probably is tough love. As i grew older, i finally understood.

when i was a child. i thought like a child, i acted like one.

now im grown up. it finally dawned upon me.

Papa lost his dad when he was really young. Grandma had to bring up 5 kids on her own. Im sure life was tough then, he probably didn't have much of a childhood fun then. The family struggled to have what they have today. That probably formed up what he is today. Always so thrifty, always doing his best for the family, to provide and care for us. He probably didn't know what love was about, what it was like to be a father, to shower fatherly love. That was why he's always so cold when i was young, why he would demonstrate such harsh acts and threats to make me learn.

He.. was learning to be a father himself.

Pastor Tan msg today reminded my rls wif my dad really. And i finally realised all this, when he said "when i became a father, i was like my own father, and acted like my own father."

Papa was probably just figuring out how to be a father too. Especially when i was so stubborn, so rebellious. Grandpa wasn't around to teach him the ropes. He had to do it thru trial and error.

Now to think about it, i am like what Papa has mould me to be. If it wasn't his scoldings and shouting, i would not have known the basics and made it to poly. If it wasn't his threats and beatings, i would not have learnt how to protect and care for the loved ones around me. If it wasn't his perseverance that never gave up on me however rebellious i was, i will not be the jed that you all know today.

My only childhood memory that i remembered so vividly was when i was in kindergarten, probably 3-5 years old. Papa planned a bdae party for me in my kindergarten. Mummy was feeding me, and i saw Papa carrying a box of icecream, and i told Mummy, "I don't want to eat already. I want icecream NOW."

Thanks Papa, i know i wasn't the son that u planned out to be. I didn't take the route you expected me to take. Yet, you were always so protective of me, and you told mummy you loved me so much, that i could do whatever i want. I hope i didn't disappoint you. And i want to tell you, you did great as my father. I'll probably be like you when i grow up, but definitely better, cause i know what fatherly love is now. Love you Papa.

lol fell aslp during blogging. cant believe i post it up yesterday though!

swim. slack. l4d!

looking forward to breakfast ltr. =)

charred

i tink i booked in as a chinese n book out as a malay siol. All it took was 3 whole days to get so burnt. nasty, esp with the uneven tans and all. argh, cant wait for it to be over before i can start to make amends. i didn't run much either this week due to the rehearsals going on, quite disappointing really. i need more time and more discipline! These past few days rehearsals have been quite tough recently, alot is expected out of us since we reclaimed the 'best armour unit' after 14 years, alot of practising to perfect the drill for SAF day parade. Haven really got the time to really sit down and relax in bunk. All day is just rehearsals with practising for atec stage 1. just a little more time, a little more discipline. i know i can, i know../
I figured i cant have the best of both world, i need tottt V

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY!!!

hope u like your wallet and had an enjoyable birthday! i hope you had as much fun as i do. hahaha! do keep on keeping on, jiayou!

If you guys didn't know, i have been setting resolutions by the week and day. haha, just trying to set goals daily/weekly/monthly, rmb if u fail to plan, u plan to FAIL! And nothing will be more convincing to put it into written word!

1. Fast for this entire wk.

2. Go for a 30 mins or 4km run daily.

3. Go swimming and jogging after bs wif marc on sat and meet up jas in the evening.

4. start studying for ftt!

5. read the bible more, at least 30 mins a day!

6. pray at least 1/2 hr per day!

7. 15 mins revolution daily!

8. find a location for my bdae.

i can do it! =) and much loves goes to ll n sy. =) jy.

i tink i had the most injuries this wk. hahaha! a bump on my head, bruises on my knees and an injured shoulder. Really crappy to take all of this in one day, was so fustrated but too tired to vent it out when i reach back in camp. Really got to thank God for strength, the nxt day none of them hurt that much, i didn't even notice till i accidentally touched them. Tried very hard to fast for this wk, but just dun have the discipline for it. Got to FAST! oh yea, did i mentioned..

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY LIYUN!

really excited to attend ur birthday ltr! photos up ltr!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

To LL N KERK!

It was definitely an awesome birthday for both of them! hope u all like the presents and stay lovely always. =)

ll: i hate swensens.

kpk: ord lo!

Yes. talking about this, i've already finished 1 yr of ns already. Time really flies, now we're all 21 and all. So many changes going on, but it's for the good. I've never regretted it yet. =) Congrats to vtsz transforming into a vtZ now. really overwhelming with new people who i never seen before in church. But it's all good, cant wait for new changes.

Im really busy from this wk on actually.mon wed fri with pt, tues thurs wif saf day rehearsals and atec preparation on the way. I really need to lean on His strength all the more, n i really feel like going on a long fast. Haven't been doing that for a while, and i really need it. heh one day!

Been running around town finding presents lately. Esp for ly! cant wait to attend her 21st nxt wk! =)

honestly, there's so many things i want to do or get now. just couldn't find time for it. I guess im going to write it down first to remind myself!

i no longer want all that. i just want everybody to be happy.

im feeling so cranky today. perhaps it's the long training in the wk for the parade. I thought i nailed it today but there just another big parade coming in a mth's time. Rehearsal starts next wk every tues n thurs, while i will haf to juggle with my upcoming battle course for atec stage 1, and other commitments out there. Feel so stretched! n the egg i ate was so oily earlier on. super disgusted(random i noe) I need more strength and discipline!

but i will make it tml. i noe i will.