Happy PAPA day

heh. it's father's day. never thought i will be celebrating it. really. As some of you might know, i dun really share a great relationship wif my dad in the past. I was so young then, i couldn't understand why he's doing the things he did to me. Now to tink about it, tt probably is tough love. As i grew older, i finally understood.

when i was a child. i thought like a child, i acted like one.

now im grown up. it finally dawned upon me.

Papa lost his dad when he was really young. Grandma had to bring up 5 kids on her own. Im sure life was tough then, he probably didn't have much of a childhood fun then. The family struggled to have what they have today. That probably formed up what he is today. Always so thrifty, always doing his best for the family, to provide and care for us. He probably didn't know what love was about, what it was like to be a father, to shower fatherly love. That was why he's always so cold when i was young, why he would demonstrate such harsh acts and threats to make me learn.

He.. was learning to be a father himself.

Pastor Tan msg today reminded my rls wif my dad really. And i finally realised all this, when he said "when i became a father, i was like my own father, and acted like my own father."

Papa was probably just figuring out how to be a father too. Especially when i was so stubborn, so rebellious. Grandpa wasn't around to teach him the ropes. He had to do it thru trial and error.

Now to think about it, i am like what Papa has mould me to be. If it wasn't his scoldings and shouting, i would not have known the basics and made it to poly. If it wasn't his threats and beatings, i would not have learnt how to protect and care for the loved ones around me. If it wasn't his perseverance that never gave up on me however rebellious i was, i will not be the jed that you all know today.

My only childhood memory that i remembered so vividly was when i was in kindergarten, probably 3-5 years old. Papa planned a bdae party for me in my kindergarten. Mummy was feeding me, and i saw Papa carrying a box of icecream, and i told Mummy, "I don't want to eat already. I want icecream NOW."

Thanks Papa, i know i wasn't the son that u planned out to be. I didn't take the route you expected me to take. Yet, you were always so protective of me, and you told mummy you loved me so much, that i could do whatever i want. I hope i didn't disappoint you. And i want to tell you, you did great as my father. I'll probably be like you when i grow up, but definitely better, cause i know what fatherly love is now. Love you Papa.