hmm. i find myself singing to a song with lyrics popping outta my mouth on it's own.

It's quite a emo song. but quite melodical.

It's called the life of J.

but i too lazy to type out for you guys to see. OWELL.

To this big hearted gal

well well well, 1.17am. gosh, i shld be slping bt i thought i shldn't. Not without writing this.

The entire wkend was unaccounted for due to the Race Essentials Pack Collection(REPC) that took place from fri all the way to sun.

It was fun and enriching. Being in such a big scale event rly took my breath away, n my energy as well.

I seen cute volunteers doing silly stuff, our guys playing frisbee diving into the mountain of packs, angry customers, pissed customer and just hectic work.

Well, to start off. my wkend was totally in town. From morning to evening i'll either be in the suntec convention or i'll be in office slogging my life away. or eating supper wif the guys and slping in Marina Mandarin Hotel or lying dead at the office floor. Man, i'm really deprived of rest.

It definitely made SSC feels like my family, since all of us are deprived of our own family and loved ones during this period. Guys becomes brothers and sisters. Taking care of one another.

This also mark my final week with SSC before i go back to the gnashing teeth of school life, fighting to be the best. SSC, turns out to be a break which i desperately need, even though it's ironic of wad rest i haf.

But most imptly after reading sth, and hearing sth. i just like to share with you guys abt this lil gal intern who is big at heart - Megan.

Well, to start off wif. She's a intern that joined us not long ago, rly hyperactive noisy lil gal tt i didn't think much of at the start. Perhaps cause she's really young and always looking to be more mature den her real age.

I saw how she makes Gold 90.5fm's phrase - Only hear the good things so unbelieveably true.

I saw how childish she was playing with her kakis volunteers with booth 43 1/2.

I saw how kind she was when she stayed with this gal who was crying in the toilet.

Well, today. i saw her cry.

At first, i thought she was joking wif her bubbly character. like how she told me she had to go meet her family for dinner when it turned out to be 3 dragonboaters.

But, she really did cry. My heart broke at that point.

Junwei, when did you lost the ability to connect when someone was at her lowest point?

Upon realisation, i felt her heart of struggle at that point. I know she's busy with so much things out there, even though it's a small misunderstanding there. I felt why was she so tired.

To be honest Megan, im like you. In fact, we're exactly in the same condition. i know that juggling between work(esp SSC), frens, loved ones and trying to put God in the main picture is super difficult. Indeed, It's not easy at all, with the situation against you. When every1 just seem so at ease with wad they are doing. and you have to hold on to God's priniciples that was carved into ur heart. It's definitely not easy at all. Well, at the very least if i could make it better, at least im going through where you are walking. and that i understand and honestly care.

I read your blog, and that i felt your struggles. Im not someone who encourages wif bible and just tell you to pray and seek God all that. Yes that most important, but not to someone who can't even lift the veil yet. Im not here to pity you. But here to say that, no matter what happens, always look at your situation and stand firm to what you believe. The world will not make it easier for you. But you got to understand that. One who stands on higher ground, see further den one who stands on ground. Besides, do rmb you're standing on a solid rock. = )

Being an intern is indeed tough, having to face so many things at a go. Even when you're only newly attached here. And you need to prove your worth to others who don't tink much abt you. Sometimes, u lost track of who you are. wad you do. But i believe it's a learning experience for you. Just imagine Megan, it's only an internship. Wad if it's real working life? There's so much more to handle, so much more battles to fight for. Im just glad that you chose to do internship, so you can be better prepared of what's ahead of you.

At the end, i will just like to add that even though im left with 6 days before internship ends. Im glad that God placed you in my care for REPC, for me to know a great lil sister like you, that makes my internship a whole lot meaningful that at least i didn't waste my time here. And i thank God for you, that change my thinking and hopefully make a turning point in my wrecked-up life.

I thank you for you. It's ok to cry. For God made us with emotions.

Love,
Jed

1.39am. Day 3.

Didn't care. just went home. LOLOLOLOL. left arnd 7 plus to meet kelvin, shing n liyun for dinner.

Today was a long meeting from1.30pm to 6pm. Didn't even had lunch. My supervisor had like fish soup, while im chairing the meeting. LOL hw irritating is that.

Meeting was about the event day updates planning and tying up some loose ends.

I exchange anand for megan. LOL. I nid the brain den brawn here. sry anand!

He's like friggin huge, like wrestler. Just that Rubin needs him more.

Anyway. WAHAHAHA.. 11 DAYS!

2.36am. Day 2.

Reached work real late like 1pm. like rly woah. hahaha. my full time colleague say "wah u look more like full timer and im like part timer. LOL" Anyway today work was alrite, did research for some Runspiration items to be given on event day. Had a few laughs wif josh. wrote sum friggin papers. plan for tml's meeting. brief the new intern for their job. ate volunteers' lunch pack while i send my interns to pasta sampling. nice rite!? n supper wif the bros.

This is life!

Final Countdown- Day 1

lol. 2.19am n i just reached home.

Yes people, this is the final countdown where we're less den 2 wks before the Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2007.

For those who has been visiting my blog doesn't know wad im toking abt? SHAME ON YOU.

Anyway, day 1, Had a lunch meeting at Porridge Place in Suntec. It's like hmmm... nt veri nice. bt im hungry so wad the heck.

If you're wondering why im blogging like tis. well i will blog everyday. Cos i nid to write a report and i haben been writing updates for the reports for mths. So i tot it's gd i start nw.

Meeting was awkward, due to the amt of ppl watching u eat, and it's a meeting. so im supposed to join in the conversation, while trying to fill an empty stomach..

After tt was road recce for the Event day programmes, sound system position and entertainment company, so that everything goes well due to the limited time of the road closure.

It took up my entire 1/2 of the day from 1pm to 6pm.

After tt was another meeting. How tormenting is that.

Anyway did sum paperwork and totally screwed by the lag coms tt's unable to accede my request. i gave up and went home.

Lotsa coordinating to do. So lil time.

Oh yar. new interns are in. Hello free labour!

Muahahaha 2 more wks.

my fren once asked me. haf u eva lost a fren.

Well. indeed i have.

Let's not talk abt those who left me.

But of those i haf to leave behind.

For starters. i rly rly treasure it. N nope. no hypocrite shit. If i nid to be in-direct. i wun even bother typing tis.

Well, i told her. yes. n i miss every1 of them. Im emotionally attached to all the close ones. When they leave, im hurt very badly. It's always like a part of me torn away. To be honest, im still reeling from wad i had to inflict on myself. I miss those times tgt. I miss the place we visit. Most imptly, i miss the companionship.

Well, to be honest here. I hate to lose any of them, esp if they tink it's my fault. I put in my all in a frenship. My EVERYTHING. And i like to say tt, Im sorry for what i have done. No matter wad u think abt it. It's not what it seems. I sometimes just wish you aint tt sensitive, for what i protect, is not what u seek at all. I just have to swallow everything, cos i cant gif no satisfaction to both side, i aint trying to protect either. I just have to make a stand, to see the implication of both situations and decide what is best.

For that moment. i feel this is best. I do not feel wrong abt it, but indeed i lost a dear fren. I apologise for my words, it's not that pleasant when im under stress as well, taking into consideration what we will turn out to be.

You know me so long, you know jolly well whether wad im doing is right or not. N nope, i do not take sides. I used to be for you, but now, i will still nv be against you. In fact, if we move along, i will still friggin be for you. That's the code, that cannot be broken.

I cant reveal much. But indeed, wad u said im protecting, will nv be wad u intend to seek. I swear my life upon it.

Call me a wuss, call me a cunt. Im nt a gd christian, but im aint a liar. You can count on that.

Drop the whole issue, I will still call you a brother.

u noe wad jed.

ure emo.

n u shld consider leaving.

go to hell.

Christians vs Falstians

If Jeremiah invented a term like “Fan-sumer“, I came up with the term “Falstians” - the false Christians who are abusing His Words.

I had wanted to pen this long ago, but religious teachings can be such a sensitive topic. For almost an hour, I was speaking to an elder from the Presbyterian church I used to be from. He called to ask how was I and as usual, I began throwing scenarios at him and in return, he never fails to enlighten me. Sometimes, the enlightenment makes me unhappy when I realised I have made the wrong decision over an obstacle. At other times, it brings a smile on my face knowing I have made decisions that I can proudly walk before His Cross and tell Him I have finally abide by His Words.

For many years, I have seen and encountered so many people plucking verses from the Bible readily to defend their deeds. As most Christian friends got to know me by now, I care little about how well you can memorize the Bible. I have only one single doubt, are you living by His Words?

I am never a perfect Christian nor am I a biblical scholar, that is why you hardly see me quote verses from the Bible. Instead, I often find myself breaking down the biblical words into simpler English. The other thing is, I never believe in using the Bible to defend my crimes and sins. For every sin committed, there is always a “catch”. Such that forgiveness is only the first half of the entire Christian’s journey. Anyone who throws the first part of a verse in my face without continuing to the second part, are probably the group of people I classify as “Falstians”.

Take this set of verses for example;

Ephesians 5: 22-24
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

For those who are not familiar with these (and I wonder why…), it appeared sexist and biased. Especially in modern times where women have begun to take a bigger role in the society and family structure, these 3 verses become their weapon to defeat any wrongdoings of their own. All in the argument that “the Bible is biased”.
Is the Bible really biased? Now read on the second part…

Ephesians 5: 25-30
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it; That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.

The fact, isn’t really about men being governed by 5 verses compared to the women’s 3 verses. It is how wives should love and submit to their husbands while AT THE SAME TIME, husbands must love and treasure their wives too. It always puzzles me on how people would often jump to the conclusion by reading only the first 3 verses.

Let me cite you another example of a verse that is so commonly misused to cover up one’s crimes or sins;

John 8: 4-7
They say unto Him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned; but what sayest thou?
This they said, tempting Him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with His finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
So when they continued asking, He lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

Just like the above scenario, this set of verses often become the chosen wall of defence against criticism. While it’s true that all of us are sinners and need forgiveness, something is still missing from the equation. Simply, the story doesn’t stops there.

Read on…

John 8: 10-11
When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee?
She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee; go, and sin no more.

What does the continuation implies then? Notice how it ended with 3 important words - SIN NO MORE? It is important to take note, nothing was mentioned that we are not allowed to identify crimes and sins. At the same time, these 3 words came right at the end not without a reason. If anyone feels it is acceptable to defend themselves of their sins using John 8: 7 or Ephesians 5: 22, it’s another sin on top of a previous sin.

This story is not only an example of how we should not condemn sinners, leading them to enlightenment; but also stipulates the condition of repentance and forgiveness. That is - to stop committing the same sin knowing that it’s wrong to do so. Never once, in this story of adultery that says we should not confess and admit to our sins or worst, using the Bible to defend our crimes.

Sometimes, I feel it’s such a disgrace when one starts using His Words to defend themselves for his own deeds. It’s like a police officer who uses the law to defend his bribery, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter if the sin was committed against me, but how can one go on his knees before His Cross and proclaim that they have tried their best to live by His Words of a “righteous life” and “salvation”? Not me certainly, maybe the “Falstians” can.

This is the first time I quote verses in my blog, and it’s unfortunate that the first time I do this would be - against my own fellow comrades. However, like I’ve said so many times… I will speak up against my own kind if I have to. I have no idea why I have always been afraid of speaking against my own kind, and I am not sure how many Christians feel the same as me. Perhaps, it’s that fear of one lone man against a group of “Falstians”. Afterall, I am not free of sins. Being equally guilty of sins, does that rule out the duty and responsibility to identify and spot sins?

I am thankful for such a call from an elder to come at such a time. Perhaps, it is God’s indication that I have made the right choice this time with that message coming through another beloved Son of His, my elder. Or perhaps, people should think twice about quoting verses in my face, especially quoting in parts and not the full story as related in the Bible. I am still learning… so join me please.

Like what Elder Heng said; It’s not a disgrace to mankind, but to himself and his Holy Father whom he calls - God. For now… Search Him, Know Him.

_____________________________________

Something tt i picked up from a wise fren's blog. thought i share it here.

Credits to Uncle Ed.

Note* no1 gt injured except superman

CRANK THAT!

haha. i try to blog more often. currently videos are my words. so yar. juz shuddap and crank like a supaman yo!

got this from a certain someone's blog. find it to be very true.

sometimes when you over-water a plant, it grows weaker.

just leave it alone to grow and if its roots is in a strong foundation, it will naturally grow.

if you want to continue over-watering the plant, by all means but you know eventually the plant will drown out and wilter

but then again so what if it dies? other seeds can always be planted.

yes maybe part of the fault lies in how weak and unadaptive the plant is, to be unable to withstand growing in a wet condition. but the flooded pot, who poured the water in? just accept that there are factors from both sides and move on.

there's no point continuously examining the soil or thinking about that period's weather.
and look at your garden. the already existing plants. the grown TREES that has been there for years. Isnt it time to go back and tend to them? Or sure you can choose to look pass them and state that your garden's empty.

a dead plant cant come to life, but it can serve as fertilizer for future seeds to grow up stronger.

if u look deeper. u will understand.

___________________________________________________________________

There are many things going through my mind yst.

Anguish. Anger. Stress. Sadness. i had it all.

i rly wanna rant the shit outta tt someone.

i rly wanna say that if you wanna put ur leg into unknown waters, chances are the waters are gg to make u slip and drown.

It happened to many of those that tried. Currently it's not up to you to decide whether you will drown or not.

It depends very much on the density of the water, whether it allows u to remain floating so you can pull ur leg out in time, or just drown.

But this sentence came cleared during this taxing head of mine.

"Let His love be shown through you, the truth will keep them silence."

-i will prove it to you that who is of relevance-

"To change others, first you got to be changed to be relevant"

"People won't care how much you know, until they know how much you care"

-people pass while seeking the glory of others', if there's no change, one day you will realise there's no glory gained when there's no longer anyone to celebrate it with you-

-simply, right motive. WRONG action.